New blog!

I've started a new blog, Domestigeek. Hope to see you there! I'll continue to update GWC as news of fresh atrocities filters in, though - and thank you as always for stopping by!

This is what fairytale weddings are like

Princess Diana and her pea-sized legacy

I Got One! shirt for brides

Love the Game Over wedding shirt? Wait till you see the I Got One! bridal shirt for sale at Cafe Press. Want to labor the point? Get this on a sweatshirt, a hoodie, a notebook, postcards, button, wall clock, apron (see - getting a man can sometimes come at a price) but not, surprisingly, the usual thong. Check out the full range of merchandise here at Cafe Press.

"Game Over" wedding shirts

Ariel over at Offbeat Bride posted a link to these today. Ick, ick, ick.

A shirt for everyone!

Get it from Where Brides Go. But get several, because your guy is gonna want to wear this every single day.

Tagged!

Saundra tagged me in the comments, so here goes: The rules:

Here are the rules: Players list 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, players then tags 8 people by posting their names and makes sure they know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at the tagee’s blog.

1. The Tall Fella and I have just moved back into our apartment after several decades renovating. On 16 December 2006 we moved into a local fleapit value-priced local motel, expecting to be living there about four weeks. Didn't make sense to get a short-term apartment, now did it? Months and months and months and a kajillion dollars later, we moved back in. Did I mention that our place is 800 square feet and that I now consider it inappropriate for people to casually mention that many builders can construct entire houses - nay, entire developments - in that timeframe? Still, we love it, we really do. There is no joy like moving into a place you've finally made yours - and one of the joys of living in said small fleapit is that our place now seems gigantic. Roomy. Airy. There's still a few dotting of Is and crossing of Ts - Frank the Contractor is working on it as I type - but we really really are nearly finished, almost.
2. I have Irish and Canadian passports, and am just eligible to apply for US citizenship, which I am going to do as soon as we get a printer at home. I really, really want to vote.
3. I went to law school but even though I finished I never did the bar or anything. Instead I moved to London where I started photocopying for British Telecom. Good times.
4. I love Americana and if we weren't planning to live in our apartment until they carry us out in a box, I'd mostly love to live in a house in the sticks, where I could rock on the porch with a straw in my mouth and a shotgun across my lap.
5. I'm around 5'10, 5'91/2, something like that, but I haven't grown an inch since I was about eleven.
6. Once I won Karl Cassell's voice on my home answering machine, but then Verizon wiped the message. Man, was I pissed.
7. My name never, ever rhymes with Fiona. It's spelled R-i-o-n-a, but it's pronounced Ma'am.
8. My superpower is that I never, ever get a hangover.

I'm absolutely smitten with the advice and the language of the SYL advice pages. Looking for tips to become his wife?

He is young, modest, smart, tall, goes in for sport, has high ideals and aims. From all points of view he deserves you. But how to make him understand it? That is a question. Try dances. Manage so that he will be in your company for this Saturday evening going to disco. Dance is the best way to seduce a man- nice music, colorful lights, you are close to each other. That is - potential husband is caught on the hook. Next step is to act very interested in him and defenceless and ask him to do something very manful for your, like to fix a broken lock or put right the book shelf (you like to read and buy so many books that the shelf has broken).

This site will reward close attention. For example, did you know that there are eight types of men? My favorite:

Category 6. Sissy or crushed. Both can be easily married by any woman.

Weekly Occasional Wedding Link of Awesome

Gay Marriage Could Be Profitable

"Why? Does buying a gay melon baller at Tiffany's cost more than buying a straight melon baller at Tiffany's?"

Advice for fabulous wedding bathrooms

from The Knot's article Restrooms 101 (bogs for beginners):

Really love your wedding colors? Add coordinating dye to the toilet water. Fill the bathroom floor with rose petals. Play your ceremony music on CD. Reception hall doesn't come with restroom attendants? Hire your own private Jeeves.

Add. Dye. To. The. Toilet. Water. This is a level of attention to detail I, with my boring vanilla toilet water, can't even begin to imagine. This person must be terrifying in the office. Find out more here.

Godawful wedding crap indeed

Thank you, IndieBrides, for directing me to these. I think.

Wedding Pills, designed by Ted Noten, are golden alternative wedding rings with a traditional inscription with the name of the loved one and the marriage date. They can be taken with a glass of vodka or other beverage. Because of the intimate process these pills undergo a fundamental question is laid bare: are we going to search for it or not, it may provoke the first marriage crisis. And with whom it agrees, the ritual can be repeated after each crisis – a nice reconciliation ritual.

Yeah, I had to read it twice too. The ritual can be repeated after each crisis.

What, is make-up sex suddenly not hot enough or something?

Buy the gift that keeps on giving here.

Weekly wedding link of awesome: Colbert brings it on

"You don't see the other 17 presidential candidates dropping their maiden names."


Her pearls? Grace Kelly. Dynamite!

Nothing that can't be fixed with a little Photoshop

So there I was, googling for first anniversary gift ideas, when what did I see only this?

The good people at MyDaVinci ("Art that clicks") will take your photos and Photoshop your faces onto the painting of your choice. While I can't imagine spending the rest of my life staring at a picture of myself and himself besporting ourselves in the woods, I have to admit I'm tempted by the American Gothic version: Or I could surprise him on his birthday with a portrait of himself:

My DaVinci. It's brilliant.

Now the big day's over ...

she's gonna need the Honey Do Whistle. Spouse-training technology has obviously come a long way since we featured the the training treats for new husbands - this little beauty comes with a guarantee.

A caketopper destined to become an heirloom

... passed lovingly from mother to unexpected daughter. Pick it up here, for $300.

Weekly Wedding Link of Awesome

Iranian blogger Jadi writes about about his friend's Maryam's aghd ceremony:

I want to mention an addition in her Aghd ceremonies. Aghd is a religious word for "marriage" and in our traditions it consists sitting in front of a Mirror + Flowers + Some sweets + Rings + ... and here + 1 Million Signatures For Equal Rights booklets! You can see the booklets at the bottom right. These are the booklets used when people are collecting signatures to say "We need equal rights for men and women".

Read more here. And see an example of why it's so important.

But that's not what I meant!

Slightly distressed as a check of Sitemeter reveals that GWC is the #2 result for How to treat man like a crap. Kind of charmed by the use of "man" (as in mankind?) and "a crap", though. Both broader and more specific than "how to treat a man like crap" for which GWC doesn't even appear on the first page. Again, we wish the researcher all the best with his or her inquiries but must direct them elsewhere. Bye now.

Jodie Marsh is getting married: Why the legwarmers, I wonder?

Men are invited to submit an application for a series of open auditions for the chance to marry Jodie Marsh in September. The search and subsequent wedding will be filmed for MTV and - if the bride's ensemble is anything to go by - promises to be quite the show. Apply online at Marry Jodie Marsh.

Weekly Wedding Link of Awesome

Anthony and Claire's Wedding Dance

Most. Romantic. Caketopper. Ever.

Thanks to the gals at Kvetch, check out: Need to see a little bit more of Bobby? Feast your eyes, my friends. Feast your eyes. I'd hold out until he peels off a couple more twenties, though. Available from Thumbprint Kids, right here.
Update: Hang on to those bills, my bridegroom buddies. Agent Rachael has just pointed out that once of these little things will set you back $2500. For that kind of money you could be knee-deep in doughnuts.

Wedding cake patent: A plurality of tulles

The atmosphere of excitement may aggravate the difficulty of distributing confetti or birdseed to all the wedding attendees. Further, wedding cakes commonly served at wedding parties need to be properly portioned, cut and placed on plates requiring the effort of someone skilled with the hands, a facility which all the attendees do not usually possess. The cake itself can be difficult or time consuming to make, and the whole event might require considerable clean up when completed.

Accordingly, a need remains for a simulated wedding cake that overcomes the above-noted shortcomings.

Inventor Rosemarie E. McGuigan has stepped up to the plate with U.S. Patent 7,021,465.

The simulated cake further includes a plurality of capsules that have a top opening for selectively receiving a variable quantity of bird seed and confetti therein, for example. Such a plurality of capsules are removably positionable into the plurality of holes. The present invention further includes a plurality of tulles engageable about the plurality of capsules. A plurality of ribbons are also attachable to the plurality of tulles for tying the respective top portions thereof. Advantageously, bird seed and confetti may be selectively contained therein until a user desires to sprinkle same over the bride and groom. The present invention further includes a plurality of rings engaged with the plurality of ribbons respectively.

I am totally in love with the Patent Office and its requirement of the word "plurality". It's a word I resolve to use more often.

Christ. Another one.

I've said it before (more than once), and I am certain I will say it again, but still: who buys these things?

Wedding beer can koozie: More ways to keep the amber nectar cool

If you're looking for a gift for the man in your life, and you, like, hate him or something, remember that he'd probably enjoy standing around at parties with his friends - his male friends - drinking beer out of a coozy emblazoned with the slogan "Love Is All Around". Get them here.

Wedding and honeymoon car decorations

Not just stylish: this getaway car essential comes complete with a "suction cup for easy mounting" - an important consideration for any honeymoon couple.

Bachelorette party supplies: A banner

This, dear reader, is the face of a woman who has been asked to pose with one too many penis-related novelty items.

Looking for an exciting new way to draw attention to your garage sale?

I've never seen a spokesperson look less excited.

Introducing bridal boudoir photography

A thousand thanks to Agent LauraB, who has brought a whole new genre to our attention: Boudoir bridal photography, otherwise known as pictures of the bride in her skivvies (for the family album? for the groom's private consumption? for the mother of the bride to whip out of her wallet and pass around at book group?). Intrigued? Wondering about the next step? A casual Google turned up the following advice from the deliciously named Cape Fear Weddings:

Your finished boudoir portait can be turned into a gift in many ways. The most popular is the wall canvas. Add a special touch by having it hung in your honeymoon suite for your wedding night... Current software makes it economical to produce slide shows or other multi-media presentations, with music, captions, voice-overs or special effects such as fade-outs, dissolves, zoom and pan effects.

"Economical." "Slide shows". Do you suppose this means Powerpoint? Awesome.

Sit On Me

Oh man. I can't decide which would be sweeter: putting my own face on a tote bag and carrying it around in public, or presenting all my friends with the pillow of their dreams.

My Lovely Horse: Equine wedding cake topper

Ah, Dorian. Dorian, Dorian, Dorian. It's been too long. Horse-lovers? Horse lovers? Either way, you need this caketopper. (Many thanks to Agent Melanie for bringing this to our attention.) [edited to add Father Ted reference. How did I miss that?]

Irish wedding garters

Never teh Bride recently featured wedding garters, a sight that had me running to my bookmarks to dig up these gems, my favorite of which combines shamrocks, the Irish flag colors, and a Claddagh symbol in one stylish and ethnically distinct package:

But where's the harp?

Your Own Wedding Chapel

Cruising BoingBoing today, we noticed that the splendidly named WillyGoats, Inc. is offering a wedding chapel for sale on Amazon, priced to move at $20,319.97 (though not eligible for free shipping via Prime).

I'd love to see a list: People who bought a mobile wedding chapel also bought ...

Mrs Stiffler!

Eagle-eyed Agent Caroline points out that Advantage Bridal is offering a personalized wedding thong.

Take a closer look at that name embroidered on the thong: yes, it's Mrs. Stiffler: the super jerk of the American Pie movie series!

This site beautifully illustrates the rule that anything with the word "classy" in its name is, invariably, tacky.

Electric wedding dress!

If you're planning on wearing an electric light-up veil complete with a plurality of spaced miniature incandescent lamps - and we hope you are - then you'll be wanting this: More details, including a "view of corset top in bright ambient light, and with internal illumination" can be found here.

O.M.G.

Thank you, Ariel of Offbeat Bride, for making me spray Diet Coke all over my screen, the reflexive response to any picture of a bride in what appears to be a courtship ritual with a large metal vulva.

First, she tries to pretend it's not there.

Then it kind of starts pissing her off.

Finally, she surrenders and swoons.

May you, too, have a happy Valentine's day.

How Honeymoon Registries Get Rich Off Your Money

Great article from Make Love Not Debt. Example, based on $3000 honeymoon:

Setup fee: $150 Commission: 15% of $3,000 = $450 Interest: 6% of $3,000 = $180 100 Announcement Cards: 100 cards @ 50c = $50 Rush service fee: $25 Total Revenue: $855 That's $855 that could have been spent on the honeymoon itself. Ouch.

GWC is cold. But proud.

Freezing the GWC ass off in Minneapolis, but just wanted to quickly note - we're braggarts round these parts - that GWC is the #2 Google result for How do dolphins crap? We apologize for our inability to assist in this matter, and wish the researcher all the best in his or her investigations.

More hankies!

A wonderful gift for your Mother to dry her tears as you wed. "Mother…This loving reminder for all the years you dried my tears".

My own mother would glance at this suspiciously before dismissing it (and rightly so) as "too little, too late."

A fabulous cake deserves fabulous balloons

Thanks to a timely report from Agent ChgoRed, GWC is delighted to present Castle Cakes!

More delicious confections here.

Want. Must Have.

The hysterically funny mb over at Blonde Champagne is breaking my heart with her pictures of inflatable wedding arches. This woman is brilliant.

I could die unless I get my hands on one of these beauties, and yet no amount of Googling is turning up a supplier. Sheesh!

Update: The fabulous Cathy hunted down a link where you can buy such a lighted, inflatable arch. Here you go - but hurry, there's only three left!

While you're at it, why not pick up an inflatable wedding cake?

More Irish wedding goodness

I'm in love with Wedding Themes and More, and its suggestions for an Irish-themed wedding.

You may want to dress in formal bridal wear or the bride and her attendants could dress as Irish maids or pixie fairies. The groom, along with his groomsmen, could dress like Irish gents or leprechauns.

But wait, there's more:

Create a rainbow behind the head table from poster board, each end anchored in a large cast-iron pot. Fill the pots full with newspapers then place a circle base on top of this cut from cardboard. On top of the cardboard, place chocolate gold-foiled "coins". Cut the bride and groom's first names from cardboard and color in emerald green. Spread watered glue mix and sprinkle sparkles on the names. Secure to the hang from the rainbow.

Or why not "create a "blarney stone" from paper mache and place just inside the doorway as people enter"?

More ideas here. In all fairity, as our old neighbor would say, in all fairity I must point out that the author notes that this is not actually a traditional Irish wedding. Which leads me to a story. Around the time of the last presidential primaries, I took myself off to Seattle Center to watch the Democratic caucus. I was listening in on a group of Kucinich supporters, and when the leader asked me for my opinion, I uncharacteristically declined to give it, saying that I wasn't a citizen, and was only there to observe. "Where are you from?" he asked. "Ireland," I said, and he grasped my hand. "Welcome!" he said enthusiastically, shaking my hand in earnest good fellowship, "Welcome -- to democracy."

Holymotherofgod Irish wedding favor

This traditional "Irish Blessing Wedding Favor" features two rather gaudily dressed short fellas sliding down a banister.

Available here or by calling 1-866-IRISH-4U.

God, I'd kill for that number.

Wedding Day Survivor Mug

Wedding Day "Survivor"? ... You'll LOVE this coffee mug from Beverly Clark. A great gift for Mom or Dad! Includes a fun Survivor-like logo declaring "Over Did, Over Spent, Over Stressed" surrounding a bridal couple in an oval. Available with blue or orange logo.

I think it would be totally cool to use this in front of your son-in-law every single visit. Get it here.

Rules for Marriage

Thanks to Never teh bride for pointing me back to these. Avoid enternal hellfire by following the rules here.

I suspect most of you minxes reading this would also profit from Instructions for Women.

For those who worry that the woman in the veil will go unnoticed on the day

I am honored to draw your attention to U.S. Patent No. 4,604,760, in which inventor Sheri K. Coin of Billings, Montana, resolves a familiar problem:

In an attempt to achieve a bridal headdress that coordinates better with current hair and makeup styles, many brides are turning to very casual designs such as wreaths, bands, hats and the like. ... Another factor that may influence a bride's selection of a headdress is the fact that most people who attend the wedding generally are at a distance that does not permit discernment of fine details of the outfit. ... guests are within close range of the bride for only a few moments as they converse with the bridal party and the remainder of the time are at a considerable distance. Therefore, guests can only observe details of the bridal attire when they are quite large in size. From the above discussion, it is clear that presently available bridal headdresses do not provide desired solutions for many of today's brides. Thus, there is a need for a new bridal headdress that overcomes the deficiencies of earlier designs.

The solution? Ladies, an electric veil.

The illuminating portion 19 of the headdress 11 includes a plurality of spaced miniature incandescent lamps 36. The lamps 36 are spaced from each other and affixed along the length of the supporting portion 18. The lamps are retained in proper alignment by affixing the same to the supporting portion such as with an adhesive 37. The lamps 36 preferably have an elongated tubular configuration. Advantageously, the lamps include clear glass or plastic envelopes 38 and preferably are six volt lamps.

I shit you not, my friends. I shit you not. Thus equipped,

A bride then can proceed with her normal activities associated with the wedding ceremony without concern or attention to the headdress. At appropriate times in the ceremony and/or reception, she can illuminate the lamps by reaching a hand under the veil and actuating the switch 50.

Skeptics can verify the above information here.

Fabulous wedding etiquette advice

"If you are like most people, you will waste a lot of time wondering about the proper way to address a female friend of yours who is a doctor, married and has kept her maiden name. "

Um, no. Nope. Never. Why on earth would you? Hasn't she made it very clear how she wants to be addressed? Where is the problem here? And just in case you were

Avoid using Ms. in social stationery. It is typically more appropriate for business.

Don't even think about it. More help here.

National Delurking Week

You know something? I'm a bad blogger. (Wedding, honeymoon, new job, remodel, vacation ...) But I've been inspired, and will be posting more regularly from tomorrow. In the meantime, go check out Offbeat Bride -- right here in snowy Seattle. And hey - it's delurking week. I don't always comment myself, but I just squeal with delight when someone leaves me a comment. (Unless it's just plain mean. And even then ...) I'd just love it if you left a comment - it would be awesome to see who drops by, what you're thinking, who you are, and where you do the blogging yourself. Here's to a nonGodawful 2007 to you all.