Wedding cake in Her own image

Chidi Ogbuta of Allen, Texas, had a wedding cake made to look exactly like herself. I wouldn't feel so comfortable watching my new husband slice into me with a knife. Many thanks to Agent Lowe for the tip.

A caketopper destined to become an heirloom

... passed lovingly from mother to unexpected daughter. Pick it up here, for $300.

Most. Romantic. Caketopper. Ever.

Thanks to the gals at Kvetch, check out: Need to see a little bit more of Bobby? Feast your eyes, my friends. Feast your eyes. I'd hold out until he peels off a couple more twenties, though. Available from Thumbprint Kids, right here.
Update: Hang on to those bills, my bridegroom buddies. Agent Rachael has just pointed out that once of these little things will set you back $2500. For that kind of money you could be knee-deep in doughnuts.

Wedding cake patent: A plurality of tulles

The atmosphere of excitement may aggravate the difficulty of distributing confetti or birdseed to all the wedding attendees. Further, wedding cakes commonly served at wedding parties need to be properly portioned, cut and placed on plates requiring the effort of someone skilled with the hands, a facility which all the attendees do not usually possess. The cake itself can be difficult or time consuming to make, and the whole event might require considerable clean up when completed.

Accordingly, a need remains for a simulated wedding cake that overcomes the above-noted shortcomings.

Inventor Rosemarie E. McGuigan has stepped up to the plate with U.S. Patent 7,021,465.

The simulated cake further includes a plurality of capsules that have a top opening for selectively receiving a variable quantity of bird seed and confetti therein, for example. Such a plurality of capsules are removably positionable into the plurality of holes. The present invention further includes a plurality of tulles engageable about the plurality of capsules. A plurality of ribbons are also attachable to the plurality of tulles for tying the respective top portions thereof. Advantageously, bird seed and confetti may be selectively contained therein until a user desires to sprinkle same over the bride and groom. The present invention further includes a plurality of rings engaged with the plurality of ribbons respectively.

I am totally in love with the Patent Office and its requirement of the word "plurality". It's a word I resolve to use more often.

Christ. Another one.

I've said it before (more than once), and I am certain I will say it again, but still: who buys these things?

My Lovely Horse: Equine wedding cake topper

Ah, Dorian. Dorian, Dorian, Dorian. It's been too long. Horse-lovers? Horse lovers? Either way, you need this caketopper. (Many thanks to Agent Melanie for bringing this to our attention.) [edited to add Father Ted reference. How did I miss that?]

A fabulous cake deserves fabulous balloons

Thanks to a timely report from Agent ChgoRed, GWC is delighted to present Castle Cakes!

More delicious confections here.

More charming caketoppers

A while ago I blogged about some bizarre caketoppers that seemed horrible and demeaning to everybody involved. I can't for the life of me imagine any woman choosing to put them on her cake. At least mermice, while definitely, um, random and weird, are a little unusual and probably personal ... as opposed to - well, humiliating. Turns out I was only scratching the surface. There's so much more out there, and most of it available from A Picture Perfect Wedding at prices ranging from $50 to #80. Kinky dominatrix caketopper: Chain gang caketopper:

Nazi groom caketopper:

Groom calls for help caketopper (subtitled: "Look, Ma! I got a man!"):

I'd show you more, but I haven't the heart for it.

So my question: Have you used a caketopper like this, or seen one? Is there a universe in which you'd consider it?

He loves me. He loves me not - AND I DON'T CARE!

I guess all the design choices you make in your wedding make some kind of statement. But what if the statement you want to send to your nearest and dearest is a little different, a little unusual, not quite as cookie-cutter as the wedding industrial complex would like?

What if the statement you want to send is not so much "We love each other!", and more "He doesn't want to marry me but I'm going to make him do it anyway?"

You're in luck! There are women out there who choose to top their cake (and take the biscuit) with this:

Or this: Or with this:

Why not just nail his head to the trophy wall of your billiard room? It would send the same message, and I bet he'd prefer it.

Gone fishing ... kind of.

Here at GWC we're off on a fact-finding mission to NYC for the rest of the week. Have you had a sighting of Godawful Wedding Crap? The people need to be told, and we will be forever in your debt. In the meantime, here's my current favorite caketopper to date - though there are some doozies to come. Thanks to a comment by Anonymous, I give you: Mermice! Mermice. Mermice in love. I'm almost certain they are mermice. Check out the little shells covering the bosoms of the mermouse bride. But Dorian would know for sure.

Holy cow!

I have to admit, I just don't understand this site. First, check out the little cow bride (on the main page, scroll about three-quarters of the way down). She's a cutie, no doubt about it, which is probably why her picture on the main page is captioned: "Wishing You a Lifetime of Udder Joy." A little weird, but whatever. People like cows. Next up, we have a selection of matching cattle-themed grooms. Scratch that: military cattle-themed grooms. Meet the Navy groom ("I Cudn't Be Happier To Serve My Country"): The Army groom ("I Love to Serve Americow"): And finally, the Marine groom ("Steer Me In The Right Direction"): Nowhere on the site does one see the word "bull".

Dolphins ... or unicorns?

You know, until you start planning a wedding, you have just no idea of the kind of stuff that’s out there. Take cake toppers. I’m not what you called drawn to the little figurines, and after I failed to convince the Tall Fella that we should go with Master Chief from Halo and the Bride (veiled) from Kill Bill, I pretty much settled for a simple cake topped with daisies. Until I discovered Designs by Dorian. Her dolphin (“thought to be one of the more magical animals on this planet [emphasis added]”, unicorn, and fairy caketopper are charming but perhaps a little … obvious. Let’s push the envelope a little and consider, for example, an NFL Baltimore Ravens cake topper:

A Raven couple gaze into each others eyes on a field of grass-like moss with purple and gold flowers. The bride, sitting atop an NFL endorsed Baltimore Ravens football, is veiled, sports purple iridescent glitter, and wears a gold crown [hey! that's what I'm going to wear!]; the groom wears a top hat and sports black iridescent glitter dust and a purple boutonnière.

For a Brokeback-themed wedding, you couldn’t do better than the Western theme.

This cake top is home for two noble, cavorting horses in a field of grass and roses, backed by a silver horseshoe (or cowboy hat) … While perfect for the Cowboy, the free, wild spirit in us all, horses are metaphor for much more: Love, devotion, and loyalty are paramount. But stamina, strength and mobility are formidable, and wisdom, intellect, and gentleness are not to be overlooked.

Stamina and strength are, in this case, represented by “white & yellow roses and a yellow stone … white tulle [that] cascades over the base, and iridescent rainbow glitter dust.”