Sunday, July 23, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
Looking up from a skirt. That you don't see every day.
An ex-girlfriend, do you suppose?
Observe, if you will, the last line.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
And when Jeff the best man unwraps it he squeals too, and clasps his hands to his chest, and he's all like, "Oh! My! God! It's just soo ... perfect." And they jump up and down together, squealing. And then I come back to earth with a bump and realize that the sunburn is still there, that I still have a neck as red - oh, as red can be - and a back as pale as an Irishman in winter, and I have as yet no real strategy in place for dealing with it before the wedding. * I also realize my view may be colored by the men I know. All wonderful men without exception, but givers (to other men) of personalized poems in frames they are not.
Here's a gift that your best man will love receiving. Besides showing him how much you appreciate his participation in your wedding ceremony, it also makes a wonderful way to display a photo from the wedding. To My Best Man(Name) There was never any doubt who my best man would be. Memories of the good times we've had and your friendship mean a great deal to me. Thank you for your support on one of the happiest days of my life. I am grateful that you are here as Amy and I start our new life together.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Nazi groom caketopper:
Groom calls for help caketopper (subtitled: "Look, Ma! I got a man!"):
I'd show you more, but I haven't the heart for it.
So my question: Have you used a caketopper like this, or seen one? Is there a universe in which you'd consider it?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I am an Heirloom Bible As special as can be. A present for someone dear Who's little like me. When baby grows to wed I'll be by your side. Or part of the bouquet For the blushing bride.
(Updated because I'd posted the wrong pic - thanks for the heads up, greyduck - and now this transition makes NO SENSE ...)
While you're visiting Go on, visit the fabulous www.Cool2bcatholic.com (best. URL. ever). Take some time to look around. Heck, it's not wedding-related, but I can't resist anyway: why not pick up some Virgin of Guadalupe soap?
This saintly statuette, with its amazing attention to detail, radiates a delicate rose scent—and comes presented in a colorful, decorative paperboard box that makes a gorgeous keepsake when the soap is gone. A great gift idea to awaken anyone’s spiritual side.
"Awaken anyone's spiritual side." This is soap, people. Soap.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Say "I do" to minty freshness! Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Fresh Breath! It's your special day, don't let anything ruin it. One flavor for the rest of your life (hope you like mint). Makes a great bridal gift!
Reported by Agent Suzannah B., and available from Everything Smells. I love that name. Good work, soldier.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
As My Little Girl Gets Married There you are in your wedding gown, The world's most beautiful bride, And though I'm truly happy for you, I'm holding back tears inside. For it seems like only a moment ago That I first held you in my arms-- The world's most beautiful baby, Enchanting us with your charms. You grew into the most beautiful girl, And I watched you dress up and play, Giggling with friends about boys And who you might marry someday. Soon you became a young woman And dated the world's luckiest guys, But never with any of them did I see The light that shines now in your eyes. I can see how deeply you care for this man, And the power of your emotion. I can tell he already has your love And will soon have your lifelong devotion. So remember as you take his hand To begin your life together-- You'll always be my little girl... And I'll love you forever and ever.$14.95 from Thank You Ink.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The people have spoken, the Jury, ( the witnesses), were unanimous and the defendants, ( Bride and Groom), aren't all that unhappy about being "condemned to the pursuit of the labour of love". The Good Ole' Ball and Chain ! This certificate uses "judicial language" to humorously describe the marriage commitment! For details e-mail! Secure Ordering On-line !For only $17.99, the good people who run the graphically exciting Wedding Helpers will provide you with a wedding certificate "for the practical jokester, weaver of funny tales, or those who just love to laugh."
Monday, June 05, 2006
Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations. The question before us is whether, consistent with the Massachusetts Constitution, the Commonwealth may deny the protections, benefits, and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry. We conclude that it may not. The Massachusetts Constitution affirms the dignity and equality of all individuals. It forbids the creation of second-class citizens. In reaching our conclusion we have given full deference to the arguments made by the Commonwealth. But it has failed to identify any constitutionally adequate reason for denying civil marriage to same-sex couples. ... Without question, civil marriage enhances the “welfare of the community.” It is a “social institution of the highest importance.” ... Civil marriage anchors an ordered society by encouraging stable relationships over transient ones. It is central to the way the Commonwealth identifies individuals, provides for the orderly distribution of property, ensures that children and adults are cared for and supported whenever possible from private rather than public funds, and tracks important epidemiological and demographic data. Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. “It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects.” ... Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.For more information about the efforts to extend the freedom to marry to all people, check out these links: Lambda Legal Freedom to Marry Love Is Love Is Love Human Rights Campaign Normal snarkiness resumes tomorrow.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
What if the statement you want to send is not so much "We love each other!", and more "He doesn't want to marry me but I'm going to make him do it anyway?"You're in luck! There are women out there who choose to top their cake (and take the biscuit) with this:
Why not just nail his head to the trophy wall of your billiard room? It would send the same message, and I bet he'd prefer it.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The groom should: ... Ask the party host to let your honey in on his plans. Being in the know will put her mind at ease. Who knows? Maybe she can even contribute something to the bash -- a raunchy audiotape saying what she's going to do to you come wedding night, perhaps?That's right, ladies. The Knot is suggesting not only that you talk dirty but you do so on a permanent recording which you then hand over to someone - possibly even his brother - to play at a bachelor party ... Well holy god.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
If your wedding budget includes spending over $300,000, the wedding date is between March and August of 2006 and you would love to share your life and wedding day with VH1, we'd love to hear from you.You need to be over 21 to apply. Because a 20-year-old spending $300,000 on a wedding would be weird.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Your groomsmen will enjoy their VIP status by showing off with this elegant silver-plated can cooler. Perfect for keeping their drink cold at the bachelor party or wedding reception.This silver-plated little beaut costs $21 - twenty-one dollars. It doesn't just say class; it's more that it hollers it from across the room while punching the air with its fist and making comments about your daughter.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
- Willy whack-it pinata
- Gummy penises
- Penis squirt gun ("fun, fun, fun!")
- Uncle Willie's Cookie Cutter: :...Comes with an idea booklet showing the many ways you can decorate these specially shaped cookies, including Long Dong Willie, Cousin Limpy and Uncle Sam - The Patriot Missile!"
- Suck for a buck kit
- Penis snack tray
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Now that you have found the perfect man you want to keep him that way if you can. With Training Treats and lots of praise you'll be able to stand him for days and days! For Husbands - with just one or two flaws (Does not work on major overhauls), kinder than a swat on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, more effective than nagging.
I'm not convinced that "gourmet candy" is more effective at man-manipulation and rendering a husband tolerable for "days and days" than -- oh, I don't know -- say, a well-timed blowjob? And to be fair, the purveyors of this excrescence do admit (no doubt at the insistence of a pack of lawyers) that "Neither product comes with a guarantee for results".
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
"If your parents are picturing an upscale bash, tell them you may have to skip the champagne toast if they can't contribute ...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
My favorite, so far, the clear-eyed brevity of a haiku:We are sending out this invitation, And hope you will join our celebration. If to send a gift is your intention, In modesty we would like to mention, We already have kettles and toasters, Crockery, dinner mats and a number of coasters, So rather than something we already own We would love money or vouchers to spend on our home. The tradition of the wishing well is one that's known by all. Go to the well, toss in a coin and as the coin does fall, Make a wish upon that coin and careful as you do. Cause as the well's tradition goes your wishes will come true. So on this special day of ours - The day that we’ll be wed. Don't hunt for special gifts but give money in it's stead. And as you drop the envelope with money great and small, Remember, make your wish as you watch your money fall [As something of an afterthought, the poet adds: ] But, most importantly, we request, That you are here as our wedding guest!
Come to celebrate But don't forget to pay for your plateAnd finally, this bracingly strict verse that leaves guests with little wiggle room:
This wishing well before you here Has a purpose that's pretty clear. Drop some green into the slot, Just make sure that it's alot! [sic] We would think it pretty nifty if it was at least a fifty. After all it cost us money To plan this day and our moon of honey!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Got ten bucks burning a hole in your pocket? Go here. Go fast. God speed.
The comical couple printed on these products is sure to bring a smile. Here is an easy way to add some fun at engagement celebrations, showers, rehearsal parties, gift openings or even the Big Event! Your guests will be amused and amazed with your attention to every detail when they discover...even the toilet paper has a wedding theme! 200 sheets per roll - 3 ply.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
A Raven couple gaze into each others eyes on a field of grass-like moss with purple and gold flowers. The bride, sitting atop an NFL endorsed Baltimore Ravens football, is veiled, sports purple iridescent glitter, and wears a gold crown [hey! that's what I'm going to wear!]; the groom wears a top hat and sports black iridescent glitter dust and a purple boutonnière.
This cake top is home for two noble, cavorting horses in a field of grass and roses, backed by a silver horseshoe (or cowboy hat) … While perfect for the Cowboy, the free, wild spirit in us all, horses are metaphor for much more: Love, devotion, and loyalty are paramount. But stamina, strength and mobility are formidable, and wisdom, intellect, and gentleness are not to be overlooked.
Stamina and strength are, in this case, represented by “white & yellow roses and a yellow stone … white tulle [that] cascades over the base, and iridescent rainbow glitter dust.”
As will I. Jesus.
Whether the wedding is on a grand scale or in a small, intimate setting, whether the big day is two months away, or two years away the groom is already counting the days. Now he can count on the Groom's Countdown Clock. Just a glance at the clock and he will always know how many days, hours, minutes, and even seconds remain until that wonderful magical day. The Groom's Countdown Clock is easy to set and comes with a long-lasting lithium battery, guaranteeing uninterrupted operation. When the day arrives, the display will begin to flash, and will continue flashing for 24 hours.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Knowing that you are here today, knowing that you care, Makes our wedding day memories a special time to share. This hankie is a gift, expressing our thanks that you are here. To use as we unite our love, to catch a joyful tear ...