Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Maybe I'm just cynical.

Sometimes, when the business of planning a wedding that takes place in on Saturday gets too much, I like to imagine another world. An alternative universe, if you will, a universe in which a guy - a man, we must remember - is surfing the web, sees a poem in a wooden or crystal frame, and squeals: "Oh, that's so darling! I've got to get that for Jeff! He was just so awesome as my best man, you know? So I want to get him something cute, you know? Something meaningful? Like a poem? With a photo?" photo frame containing a poem from the groom to the best man

Here's a gift that your best man will love receiving. Besides showing him how much you appreciate his participation in your wedding ceremony, it also makes a wonderful way to display a photo from the wedding. To My Best Man(Name) There was never any doubt who my best man would be. Memories of the good times we've had and your friendship mean a great deal to me. Thank you for your support on one of the happiest days of my life. I am grateful that you are here as Amy and I start our new life together.

And when Jeff the best man unwraps it he squeals too, and clasps his hands to his chest, and he's all like, "Oh! My! God! It's just soo ... perfect." And they jump up and down together, squealing. And then I come back to earth with a bump and realize that the sunburn is still there, that I still have a neck as red - oh, as red can be - and a back as pale as an Irishman in winter, and I have as yet no real strategy in place for dealing with it before the wedding. * I also realize my view may be colored by the men I know. All wonderful men without exception, but givers (to other men) of personalized poems in frames they are not.


Twistie said...

(rolls about on the floor, helpless with mirth)

(gasps for breath)

(gets second wind...laughs some more)

I can't imagine a single man I know not attempting to force that poem down the giver's throat in retaliation. My incredibly gentle husband would beat the giver to death with the frame on grounds of poetry abuse.

Meanwhile, I may just die laughing in this corner.

TheUrbanFarmer said...

Most "manly men" I know can appreciate only one form of poetry:

The limerick. And then only the "There once was a man from Nantucket" variety.

There once was a bodacious best man
Together we'd jump out of the fire and into the pan
We've shared lots in life
But now I'm getting a wife
Now all we'll share is cold beers in cans

The Lowe said...

On Saturday! Yikes.
Don't worry - your red neck will match my streaky bacon legs. It can be our theme.

Dataceptionist said...

There was once a lousy Aussie best man
Who's sentiment was far off as it can
Forget the rings, he did on the day
Oh such little things! what can you say-
So to this frame,he would know was a sham!

Best I can do on short notice....

Dataceptionist said...

(entirely fictional btw) hehehe oh the horror

Our fingers crossed for Saturday Riona

Lovey H. said...

ah, i love the limericks...
the sad (very, very sad) thing is that there are people i know who would think this would be the *most charming* gift. happily, i know these people tangentially enough to not ever be on the receiving end.

best wishes for Saturday!!

Anonymous said...

What the poem should read:

As men grow older
Find women to love
and settle down with
you stood by my side
and kept your mouth shut
about that hooker I slept with

Riona said...

OMG those poems / limericks are all fantastic - thank you for leaving them. And for the good wishes for Saturday - we leave tomorrow morning for Brokeback Mountain!

Lee said...

I could get on board with the frame if we added "anon"s hooker poem instead. Awesome.

The original frame? Insane.

Daphna said...

umm. this made me cry laughing.