I'm absolutely smitten with the advice and the language of the SYL advice pages. Looking for tips to become his wife?

He is young, modest, smart, tall, goes in for sport, has high ideals and aims. From all points of view he deserves you. But how to make him understand it? That is a question. Try dances. Manage so that he will be in your company for this Saturday evening going to disco. Dance is the best way to seduce a man- nice music, colorful lights, you are close to each other. That is - potential husband is caught on the hook. Next step is to act very interested in him and defenceless and ask him to do something very manful for your, like to fix a broken lock or put right the book shelf (you like to read and buy so many books that the shelf has broken).

This site will reward close attention. For example, did you know that there are eight types of men? My favorite:

Category 6. Sissy or crushed. Both can be easily married by any woman.

Rules for Marriage

Thanks to Never teh bride for pointing me back to these. Avoid enternal hellfire by following the rules here.

I suspect most of you minxes reading this would also profit from Instructions for Women.

Fabulous wedding etiquette advice

"If you are like most people, you will waste a lot of time wondering about the proper way to address a female friend of yours who is a doctor, married and has kept her maiden name. "

Um, no. Nope. Never. Why on earth would you? Hasn't she made it very clear how she wants to be addressed? Where is the problem here? And just in case you were

Avoid using Ms. in social stationery. It is typically more appropriate for business.

Don't even think about it. More help here.

Misguided bachelor party advice of the year

From The Knot: Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World:

The groom should: ... Ask the party host to let your honey in on his plans. Being in the know will put her mind at ease. Who knows? Maybe she can even contribute something to the bash -- a raunchy audiotape saying what she's going to do to you come wedding night, perhaps?

That's right, ladies. The Knot is suggesting not only that you talk dirty but you do so on a permanent recording which you then hand over to someone - possibly even his brother - to play at a bachelor party ... Well holy god.

How to ask for money 2: Guilt and manipulation

This month's issue of Modern Bride sports a timely and striking heading: HOW TO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR MONEY (and get it).

What can I say? I bought the damn magazine, because I need somone to tell me AGAIN to address couples as Mr. and Mrs. Karl von Trapp, and turned to the article, not knowing quite what to expect. A lesson on lowering expections? On the use of please and thank you?

The article starts off well, recommending that brides in the market for parent money approach them with a lot of research and information. But if this fails to swing it, you're going to have to resport to manipulation, baby. Play to their insecurities.

"If your parents are picturing an upscale bash, tell them you may have to skip the champagne toast if they can't contribute ...

Lots of people need to ask their parents for help with the wedding. But you'd kinda sorta hope it would be a respectful conversation, not a ruthless rapier to the site of their social fears in order to get what you want. This short little article left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

On a side note, when I was a teenager and a student and wanted money myself, sometimes I'd ask my father. He'd lean back in his chair, enjoying himself hugely, and quote Charles's father from Brideshead Revisited. "Oh, I really am the very worst person to talk to about money, because I've never been short of it myself. " Grinning from ear to ear, my father would gleefully quote Waugh: "Your cousin Melchior was short of money too. He went to Australia before the mast."

It became clear that that such was to become my fate. And so I arrived in Seattle. And I'd still play the same stunt on one of my kids. For a while, anyway.

How to ask for money #1: With poetry.

I've been noticing a trend on the boards about asking for money instead of gifts. I say, don't do it - and certainly don't include such a request with the invitation. Couples aren't entitled to a gift, and registries exist solely to help those guests who find them useful. Guests aren't obliged to bring a gift at all, or to bring one off the registry. I'm not convinced that this new trend of casting the request in verse makes it any more acceptable. On the plus side, however, it does make it funnier. Anyway! On to the poetry. Got any favorites? Let me know - and please report any GWC sightings here. Thank you!

We are sending out this invitation, And hope you will join our celebration. If to send a gift is your intention, In modesty we would like to mention, We already have kettles and toasters, Crockery, dinner mats and a number of coasters, So rather than something we already own We would love money or vouchers to spend on our home. The tradition of the wishing well is one that's known by all. Go to the well, toss in a coin and as the coin does fall, Make a wish upon that coin and careful as you do. Cause as the well's tradition goes your wishes will come true. So on this special day of ours - The day that we’ll be wed. Don't hunt for special gifts but give money in it's stead. And as you drop the envelope with money great and small, Remember, make your wish as you watch your money fall [As something of an afterthought, the poet adds: ] But, most importantly, we request, That you are here as our wedding guest!

My favorite, so far, the clear-eyed brevity of a haiku:

Come to celebrate But don't forget to pay for your plate

And finally, this bracingly strict verse that leaves guests with little wiggle room:

This wishing well before you here Has a purpose that's pretty clear. Drop some green into the slot, Just make sure that it's alot! [sic] We would think it pretty nifty if it was at least a fifty. After all it cost us money To plan this day and our moon of honey!