OK, I'm typing this still slightly drunk from my own bachelorette party

... but you probably can't tell that I'm rocking back and forth, muttering thankyouthankyouthankyou to my lovely friends who provided me not with a penis-decorated veil (or the more conservative condom veil), or penis earrings, or penis straws, or penis drinking cups, or penis whistles or Toothdix(TM) (like toothpicks, but better! Because they're penises!), ... but with a really nice dinner and an elegant, sophisticated evening of roller derby. I would also like to note that my so-called friends neglected to provide me with the following:

• Willy whack-it pinata
• Gummy penises
• Penis squirt gun ("fun, fun, fun!")
• Uncle Willie's Cookie Cutter: :...Comes with an idea booklet showing the many ways you can decorate these specially shaped cookies, including Long Dong Willie, Cousin Limpy and Uncle Sam - The Patriot Missile!"
• Suck for a buck kit
• Penis snack tray

Well, fine. All I have to say is: thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou. If, however, you just can't get enough of this penis-related goodness - well, you're in for something of a treat.